(No violence is going on.)
Wife: Why do you go and start working in the garden when I sing my favorite song?
Husband: To let our neighbors see there's no domestic violence going on.
Husband: To let our neighbors see there's no domestic violence going on.
(You are whales form Ireland.)
(I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.)
So I said: Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?
One of them snarled at me: It's Wales, dumbo!
So I corrected myself: Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?
(I wake up in hospital two days later.)
So I said: Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?
One of them snarled at me: It's Wales, dumbo!
So I corrected myself: Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?
(I wake up in hospital two days later.)
(Forgot to go to gym.)
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today also.
That's 6 years in a row now.
That's 6 years in a row now.
(Woman soccer.)
Teacher: Why is women's soccer so rare?
Student: It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
Student: It's quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
(Coming to live with you.)
Wife calls her mother: Today I fought so much with my husband. I am coming to live with you again.
Mother: No. He should pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
Mother: No. He should pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
(Call the manager.)
Guest at a restaurant: I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager!
Waiter: That's no use. He won't eat it either.
Waiter: That's no use. He won't eat it either.
(What will you get in that price?)
Customer: Waiter! waiter! See, there's a fly in my soup?
Waiter: What had you expected in that price than, a buffalo?
Waiter: What had you expected in that price than, a buffalo?
(Only one to answer.)
One day Jimmy got home early from school and his mom asked: Why are you home so early?
He answered: Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.
Mom: Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?
Jimmy replied: The question was Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?
He answered: Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.
Mom: Wow, my son is a genius. What was the question?
Jimmy replied: The question was Who threw the trash can at the principal's head?
(Selling my parrot.)
A: I'm selling my talking parrot.
B: Why?
A: Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.
B: Why?
A: Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.
(You already own her home.)
I was picking up my girl.
Her dad looked at me very sternly and said: I want her home by midnight, young man!
I said: What do you mean? You already own her home.
Her dad looked at me very sternly and said: I want her home by midnight, young man!
I said: What do you mean? You already own her home.