(Why women not allowed in space?)
Do you know why women aren't allowed in space?
To avoid scenarios like: Maria, we have a problem.
What is the problem?
Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.
To avoid scenarios like: Maria, we have a problem.
What is the problem?
Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about.
(Describe the snake.)
Doctor: Can you describe the snake that bit you?
Patient: Yes. It looked like an angry rope.
Patient: Yes. It looked like an angry rope.
(Lost job in swimming pool.)
Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man within 15 minutes.
Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.
Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.
(You scratches the floor.)
A son asks his mother: Mom, the kids are laughing at me, they say my teeth are too long.
Mother replies: Oh Richard, now you've scratched the whole floor again.
Mother replies: Oh Richard, now you've scratched the whole floor again.
(Punch on the nose.)
A young boy comes home from school in a bad mood.
His father asks him: What's wrong, son?
The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay.
The father says: Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop.
The kid replies: Yeah, but he's so cute!
His father asks him: What's wrong, son?
The kid tells his dad that he's upset because another kid has been teasing him and calling him gay.
The father says: Punch him in the face next time he does that. I bet he'll stop.
The kid replies: Yeah, but he's so cute!
(I barely know that woman.)
A wife complains to her husband: Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can't you do the same?
The husband: Are you mad? I barely know that woman.
The husband: Are you mad? I barely know that woman.
(New movie: Constipation.)
A: Did you watch the new movie Constipation?
B: No!
A: It hasn't come out yet.
B: No!
A: It hasn't come out yet.
(No employees are late.)
One company owner asks another: Tell me, David, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?
David replies: Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.
David replies: Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.
(Looking for trouble.)
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons.
One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble.
One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked: What are you doing?
Boy: Playing a game.
Policeman: What is your name?
Boy: Mind Your Own Business.
Furious the policeman inquired: Are you looking for trouble?
The boy replied: Why, yes.
One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble.
One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked: What are you doing?
Boy: Playing a game.
Policeman: What is your name?
Boy: Mind Your Own Business.
Furious the policeman inquired: Are you looking for trouble?
The boy replied: Why, yes.
(Always keep it closed.)
Doctor: Did you take the medicine I gave you?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Why?
Patient: Because It said Always keep the bottle closed.
Patient: No.
Doctor: Why?
Patient: Because It said Always keep the bottle closed.