(Optimistic and pessimistic.)
An optimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and thinks it's an exit.
A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.
The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.
A pessimist sees light at the end of a tunnel and assumes it is an onrushing train.
The train conductor sees two stupid guys staggering on train tracks.
(Bring back tomorrow.)
(Today I went to a barber's shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.)
I asked: But what if I swallow the ball?
He replied: No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.
I asked: But what if I swallow the ball?
He replied: No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.
(We can hear it better.)
Wife: Honey, why did you build the child's bed so high?
Husband: We can hear it better if he falls out.
Husband: We can hear it better if he falls out.
(You'll live upto 80 years.)
Doctor: Your test results are showing you'll easily live till 80 years.
Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now.
Doctor: You know what I mean.
Patient: But, wait, I am 80 just now.
Doctor: You know what I mean.
(Money can't buy happiness.)
Yes, money cannot buy you happiness.
But I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
But I'd still feel a lot more comfortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
(What does he have now.)
Teacher: Carol has 150 candy bars. He eats 125. What does Carol have now?
Student: Carol has diabetes now.
Student: Carol has diabetes now.
(Forgot wallet at home.)
(A man goes to the fortune teller to look his family future.)
Fortune teller: Good news. Your wife is going to get a lot of wealth.
Man: (In a crying voice) You're right. I forget my wallet and Credit Card at home.
Fortune teller: Good news. Your wife is going to get a lot of wealth.
Man: (In a crying voice) You're right. I forget my wallet and Credit Card at home.
(Searching for candles.)
Wife: What are you doing in the dark?
Husband: Searching for matchstick.
Wife: So, I always say you're an idiot. Why don't you search with lighting a candle?
Husband: Searching for matchstick.
Wife: So, I always say you're an idiot. Why don't you search with lighting a candle?
(2 spoon after meal.)
(A man was putting a spoon in his pocket after having a meal in the restaurant. One waiter caught him red handed and took him to the owner.)
Owner: Why were you stealing the spoon from our restaurant.
Man: The doctor told me to take two spoon after meal.
Owner: Why were you stealing the spoon from our restaurant.
Man: The doctor told me to take two spoon after meal.
(Spent in hospital.)
Friend: How did you spent your one month holiday?
Me: One day in riding a horse and remaining 29 days in a hospital.
Me: One day in riding a horse and remaining 29 days in a hospital.