(With a year of silence.)
Wife: It's our wedding anniversary in a week, darling. How do you think we should celebrate?
Husband: With a minute of silence.
Husband: With a minute of silence.
(Preety ugly.)
Selena asks her son Paul: Paul, would you say I'm pretty or ugly?
Paul: A bit of both, actually.
Selena: How do you mean that?
Paul: I'd say you're pretty ugly.
Paul: A bit of both, actually.
Selena: How do you mean that?
Paul: I'd say you're pretty ugly.
(Nice camera.)
A nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera down by the Washington Monument.
I didn't really understand what they were saying, but it was really a nice camera.
I didn't really understand what they were saying, but it was really a nice camera.
(Don't worry!)
Two men are stranded on a deserted island.
One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says: Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.
Second says: Really? Why do you think so?
First man: I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.
One despairs, but the other one claps him assuredly on the back and says: Don't worry, they will definitely find us, and soon.
Second says: Really? Why do you think so?
First man: I owe the IRS five years' worth of taxes.
(Time consuming.)
A: Why do people never eat clocks?
B: Because it's really time consuming.
B: Because it's really time consuming.
(Warm rest of his life.)
If you give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.
If you teach a man to fish, he can always eat.
If you give a man a fire, he's warm for a day.
If you light a man on fire, he is warm for the rest of his life.
(Elephant's baby.)
A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.
(Why do all ask same question?)
Boyfriend: Am I the first man you have ever loved?
Girlfriend: Of course! But why do every men always ask me the same question?
Girlfriend: Of course! But why do every men always ask me the same question?
(I think you're a jerk.)
(A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.)
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge!
(The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge!
(The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
(I'm a horse.)
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other: Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?
The other one says: No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!
One says to the other: Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?
The other one says: No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!
