(These aren't the pillows!)
Earl and Johnny go out on a hunting trip together. The nights are already cold so they don't mind sharing the tent for one.
At around 1 am, Earl wakes up suddenly: Johnny, what do you think you're doing?
Johnny: My hands are cold, I was just warming them between these two pillows.
Earl: Those aren't pillows!
At around 1 am, Earl wakes up suddenly: Johnny, what do you think you're doing?
Johnny: My hands are cold, I was just warming them between these two pillows.
Earl: Those aren't pillows!
(Disease of forgetting.)
Patient to his doctor: I have forgotten so many things lately, and it's getting worse. What can I do?
Doctor: Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure.
I'd also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?
Doctor: Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure.
I'd also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?
(Open your mouth.)
Mom at a dentist: Now please darling, open your mouth for the doctor so he can take his hand out!
(Flight to your mom!)
Wife asks her husband: Did you like the dinner today?
Husband replies: Really, Shirley? Why are you always trying to pick a flight to your mom's house?
Husband replies: Really, Shirley? Why are you always trying to pick a flight to your mom's house?
(Can't work in the dark.)
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says: I can make the boss give me the day off.
The man replies: And how would you do that?
The woman says: Just wait and see.
(She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.)
The boss comes in and says: What are you doing?
The woman replies: I'm a light bulb.
The man replies: And how would you do that?
The woman says: Just wait and see.
(She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.)
The boss comes in and says: What are you doing?
The woman replies: I'm a light bulb.
The boss then says: You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.
The man starts to follow her and the boss says: Where are you going?
The man says: I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.
The man starts to follow her and the boss says: Where are you going?
The man says: I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark.
(An American.)
A: A person who speaks two languages is bilingual.
A: A person who speaks three languages is trilingual.
A: A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
A: What is a person who speaks one language?
B: An American.
A: A person who speaks three languages is trilingual.
A: A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual.
A: What is a person who speaks one language?
B: An American.
(So that they'll love you.)
Man said to God: Why did you make women so beautiful?
God said to man: So that you will love them.
Man said to God: But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man: So that they will love you.
God said to man: So that you will love them.
Man said to God: But why did you make them so dumb?
God said to man: So that they will love you.
(What a cool beach.)
There is a California dude going through a desert.
He's wearing shorts, sunglasses, a towel and listening to music on his walkman.
He's having a good time.
Suddenly he sees a caravan approaching.
He stops the Arabians and ask them cheerfully: Hey dudes how far is the sea?
They look at each other and say: Two thousand miles!
And he says: Wow what a cool beach!
He's wearing shorts, sunglasses, a towel and listening to music on his walkman.
He's having a good time.
Suddenly he sees a caravan approaching.
He stops the Arabians and ask them cheerfully: Hey dudes how far is the sea?
They look at each other and say: Two thousand miles!
And he says: Wow what a cool beach!
(I'll tell you.)
A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window.
When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Young man.. you keep both hands on the wheel.. I'll tell you when it's raining!"
When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Young man.. you keep both hands on the wheel.. I'll tell you when it's raining!"
(Feets aren't empty.)
A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this?
B: It's because your feet aren't empty.
B: It's because your feet aren't empty.
