(You are adopted.)
Father: Son, you were adopted.
Son: What? I knew it. I want to meet my biological parents.
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
Son: What? I knew it. I want to meet my biological parents.
Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.
(He is a pilot.)
(Two mice meet and start chatting.)
First nice: Look! I've got a new boyfriend! (and shows a picture on the mobile phone).
Another mouse: (cries) OMG! that's a bat.
First mouse: What? The guy told me he is a pilot.
First nice: Look! I've got a new boyfriend! (and shows a picture on the mobile phone).
Another mouse: (cries) OMG! that's a bat.
First mouse: What? The guy told me he is a pilot.
(Never know.)
I hope my son will never find out why I say "Oops!" so often when I vacuum his room.
(Why do you want to live 100 years?)
Patient: Doctor, how can I live longer than 100 years?
Doctor: Do you smoke?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you eat too much?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you go to bed late?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?
Doctor: Do you smoke?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you eat too much?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you go to bed late?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Do you have affairs with promiscuous women?
Patient: No.
Doctor: Then why would you want to live more than 100 years?
(Stop!)
Teacher asks the student: Why were you absent yesterday?
Student: Sir! I was going to cross the road and I saw a board telling "STOP" and I waited it to turn "G0".
Student: Sir! I was going to cross the road and I saw a board telling "STOP" and I waited it to turn "G0".
(People disappear.)
A guy comes to his doctor: Doctor, please, every time I say Abra Kadabra, people disappear.
Guy: Doctor? Doctor? Where are you?
Guy: Doctor? Doctor? Where are you?
(What do you need?)
A snail mom goes shopping and asks her snail child: Should I get you anything?
Child: Yeah, could you get me yoghurt please?
Two weeks later the snail mom comes back: Strawberry or cherry?
Child: Yeah, could you get me yoghurt please?
Two weeks later the snail mom comes back: Strawberry or cherry?
(Won't go for milking it.)
Adam: What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?
Brian: I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.
Brian: I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.
(Wasn't drunk yesterday.)
Husband: I wasn't that drunk yesterday.
Wife: Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.
Wife: Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.
(She's not talking to me.)
Women really know how to hold a grudge.
Yesterday, my wife asked me to pass her a lipstick.
And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me.
I think she got angry with me.
Yesterday, my wife asked me to pass her a lipstick.
And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me.
I think she got angry with me.