(She knows everything.)
Q: What to give a man who's got everything?
A: A woman.
Q: Why?
A: She'll tell him how everything works.
A: A woman.
Q: Why?
A: She'll tell him how everything works.
(What is getting married?)
My son wanted to know what it's like to be married.
I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
(Institute of three rings.)
A: Marriage is an institution of three rings.
B: What?
A: Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
B: What?
A: Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
(Sucking my blood.)
(A man and his wife have to go to a doctor.)
The doctor asks: Do you share the same blood group?
The husband replies: We must by now. She's been sucking my blood for years.
The doctor asks: Do you share the same blood group?
The husband replies: We must by now. She's been sucking my blood for years.
(Childhood vs. adulthood.)
Childhood is when you go to the toilet in the night and then you run back and jump in your bed, glad that the monster under the bed didn't get you.
Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you.
Adulthood is when the monster lies in the bed next to you.
(Why did God made man first?)
Brian: Why did God create man first and woman second?
Adrian: I don't know, you tell.
Brian: Because he wasn't interested in listening to anyone telling him how to make man.
Adrian: I don't know, you tell.
Brian: Because he wasn't interested in listening to anyone telling him how to make man.
(Awesome dog.)
A neighbor comes to Mike and says: Your dog bit my mother-in-law!
Mike is horrified and apologizes, adding sadly: you'll probably be wanting financial recompense, won't you?
Neighbor: Absolutely not! I'd love to buy the dog!
Mike is horrified and apologizes, adding sadly: you'll probably be wanting financial recompense, won't you?
Neighbor: Absolutely not! I'd love to buy the dog!
(Married twice.)
(A man and a woman are having a date.)
The woman remarks: You know, you look totally like my third husband!
The man is startled and asks: Really, Lara, how many times have you been married?
Woman: Twice.
The woman remarks: You know, you look totally like my third husband!
The man is startled and asks: Really, Lara, how many times have you been married?
Woman: Twice.
(Today is the last day.)
(A man sits in a restaurant and cries. The waiter comes and asks what happened.)
The man replies: My wife told me that she wouldn't talk to me for a month.
The waiter replies: But that's a good news.
Man: Yes! but today is the last day of that month.
The man replies: My wife told me that she wouldn't talk to me for a month.
The waiter replies: But that's a good news.
Man: Yes! but today is the last day of that month.
(Pain in back.)
Man: Doctor! I feel a pain in my back wherever I sit.
Doctor: I found the cause of your pain?
Patient: What's that?
Doctor: There's a mouse trap on your back.
Doctor: I found the cause of your pain?
Patient: What's that?
Doctor: There's a mouse trap on your back.