(Than I got drunk.)
My wife told me to go and get something that would make her look beautiful.
So I got drunk.
So I got drunk.
(She's critical.)
(I got a call telling me my wife's been taken to the hospital.)
Me: Oh my Lord, how is she?
Nurse: I'm sorry to say she's critical.
Me: What the heck is she complaining about again?
Me: Oh my Lord, how is she?
Nurse: I'm sorry to say she's critical.
Me: What the heck is she complaining about again?
(Can I go out in this dress?)
Wife: Darling, can I go out in this dress?
Husband: Yes dear, no problem. It's already dark out.
Husband: Yes dear, no problem. It's already dark out.
(Bachelor vs. married woman.)
A: What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
B: Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
B: Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.
(Do something dangerous.)
At a medical check-up: Do you do dangerous sports?
Patient: Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.
Patient: Well, sometimes I talk back at my wife.
(Cost for getting married.)
A boy asked his father: Dad, how much does it cost to get married?
Father grimly replied: I don't know son, I'm still not done paying for it.
Father grimly replied: I don't know son, I'm still not done paying for it.
(Don't like new glasses.)
She: Honey, I don't like you with the new glasses on.
He: But sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses.
She: Right, but I do.
He: But sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses.
She: Right, but I do.
(He was a billionaire.)
A woman says: I don't know what he's complaining about. I made him a millionaire!
Her friend: And what was he before?
Woman: A billionaire.
Her friend: And what was he before?
Woman: A billionaire.
(I was one in a million.)
My wife told me I was one in a million.
When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.
When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right.
(Battery Low.)
Girlfriend: Why don't you reply my text or answer my call.
Boyfriend: My mom is using my phone nowadays.
Girlfriend: Oh My God! If she finds me calling you, than?
Boyfriend: Don't worry Dear! I've saved your number as Battery Low. If my mom sees you calling me, she puts the phone on charging.
Boyfriend: My mom is using my phone nowadays.
Girlfriend: Oh My God! If she finds me calling you, than?
Boyfriend: Don't worry Dear! I've saved your number as Battery Low. If my mom sees you calling me, she puts the phone on charging.