(Never start sentence with I.)
English Teacher: You must never begin a sentence "I is ...".
Clever student: Please sir, what's wrong with the sentence "I is a vowel".
Clever student: Please sir, what's wrong with the sentence "I is a vowel".
(Singular or plural.)
Teacher: Are pants singular or plural?
Student: They're singular on top and plural on the bottom.
Student: They're singular on top and plural on the bottom.
(First day on school.)
Luke comes home from his first day of school, and his mother asks: What did you learn today?
Like: Not enough! They said I have to go back tomorrow.
Like: Not enough! They said I have to go back tomorrow.
(Hooray!)
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
(Can't concentrate.)
Teacher: Why can't you work in an orange juice factory?
Student: I don't know. Why?
Teacher: Because you can't concentrate.
Student: I don't know. Why?
Teacher: Because you can't concentrate.
(This is her husband.)
A man speaks frantically into the phone: My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!
Doctor replies: Is this her first child?
The man shouts: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
Doctor replies: Is this her first child?
The man shouts: No, you idiot! This is her husband!
(I've lost my dad.)
Little Johnny's father was away from home since 3 days, so he went up to a policeman and said: I've lost my dad!
The policeman said: What's he like?
Little Johnny replied: Beer and women!
The policeman said: What's he like?
Little Johnny replied: Beer and women!
(Wear a brown tie.)
(A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.)
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie!
(No one died.)
(A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.)
His friend sees it and comments: It looks terrible. What's the problem?
He said: My mother died in August and left me $25,000."
Friend says: Gee, that's very sad!
The drinking friend continued: My father died in September leaving me $90,000.
Friend: Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're very depressed.
Drinking Friend: And in the October, my aunt died and left me $15,000."
Friend: Three close family members lost in three months! So you're very sad and drinking."
Drinking Friend: Not actually!
Friend: Than why?
Drinking Friend: No one died in November, So, I'm drinking!
His friend sees it and comments: It looks terrible. What's the problem?
He said: My mother died in August and left me $25,000."
Friend says: Gee, that's very sad!
The drinking friend continued: My father died in September leaving me $90,000.
Friend: Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're very depressed.
Drinking Friend: And in the October, my aunt died and left me $15,000."
Friend: Three close family members lost in three months! So you're very sad and drinking."
Drinking Friend: Not actually!
Friend: Than why?
Drinking Friend: No one died in November, So, I'm drinking!
(Tell me in English.)
(The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.)
When the examination was complete, he said: Now, Doctor, Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.
The doctor replied: Well, in plain English, you're just lazy.
Patient: Okay, Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.
When the examination was complete, he said: Now, Doctor, Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.
The doctor replied: Well, in plain English, you're just lazy.
Patient: Okay, Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.
