(What's the time?)
English Teacher: Johnny, the clock on the wall is not working, but you have a watch. What time is it?
Johnny: 2 o'watch.
Johnny: 2 o'watch.
(It was always sweeping.)
David: Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?
Dan: I don't know. Why?
David: Because it was always sweeping during class.
Dan: I don't know. Why?
David: Because it was always sweeping during class.
(Bright students.)
Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?
Leonard: Why?
Jacob: She had bright students.
Leonard: Why?
Jacob: She had bright students.
(At the bottom.)
Teacher: Tommy, can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed?
Tommy: Yes, ma'am. At the bottom of the page.
Tommy: Yes, ma'am. At the bottom of the page.
(Teacher says write clearly.)
Jordan: My teacher says I have to write more clearly.
Mom: That's a good idea, Jordan.
Jordan: No, it's not. Then she'll know I can't write spelling correctly.
Mom: That's a good idea, Jordan.
Jordan: No, it's not. Then she'll know I can't write spelling correctly.
(How much you love me?)
A boy asks a girl: Jenny, how much do you love me?
The girl looks his in the eyes: Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you.
The boy is confused: But it's morning, there are no stars at morning?
Girl nods: Exactly that much!
The girl looks his in the eyes: Look up at the stars, that's how much I love you.
The boy is confused: But it's morning, there are no stars at morning?
Girl nods: Exactly that much!
(Too lazy.)
A recent scientific study showed that out of 7,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.
(Already on the other side.)
(A blonde was walking along a river when she noticed another blonde on the opposite bank.)
She yells: How do I get to the other side of the river?
The second blonde replies: You are already on the other side.
She yells: How do I get to the other side of the river?
The second blonde replies: You are already on the other side.
(How you made money.)
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said: Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.30.
Boy: And that's how you built an empire?
Man: No, no! Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said: Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.
The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.
I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.30.
Boy: And that's how you built an empire?
Man: No, no! Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars.
(Cooking.)
About 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didn't have to.
